Never Will I Leave You...................... 59 & Holding or Holing

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)... presented in dream-format.

A group of people are at a friend's home for a social gathering. The host holds a metal dog crate that carries a very small woman, the size of a medium-size dog. It is their great-grandmother who remains nameless. No one seems astonished. At first Rachel is afraid of the elderly woman (is she crazy?) and also concerned for her treatment.

They explain that great-grandma has always been the sweetest person and still is. She has gentle eyes, very few wrinkles, and always smiles. Yet, she is senile and seems mute. Everyone is endearing to her as they converse, “Yes, her other daughter moved to… a few years ago.”

She has no forced trappings and leaves her cage. She plays with a child in the room (presumably her great-grandchild). They crawl on the floor and interact like children do. After 15 or so minutes, their playtime and the side show is over.

The woman heads to a small, dark hole and disappears. The others exit to the kitchen or wherever, but inquisitive and concerned Rachel lags behind to peer into the hole. She curiously asks the hosts: “Did you know there are two sets of eyes in the hole?”

Her seat on the couch is taken, by the child who now plays with Barbies. The crude clothes are ripped burlap-like material wrapped around the dolls. Rachel kind of likes that idea. Her sisters created similar fashionable Barbie clothes as children, free of store-bought trappings.

Because her seat is now occupied, she sits away from her husband, behind the conversation area on a large floor pillow. She ponders. Maybe Rachel wonders if she will ultimately be the elderly woman, endearingly housed yet "aged & holing," separate, smiling, and mute. She in no way embraces the idea, yet surprisingly is not worried. Great-grandmother was content, not alone (two sets of eyes were in the hole), and observers seemed respectfully considerate. It feels like a scattered, crazy dream (and actually is).

It is a weird dream, but not a nightmare, as she was more the observant rather than fretful viewer. Down-the-road helplessness is currently a moot or unsettled point for Rachel. But yet, no matter, unbelievable as some dreams seem, there are odd, hole-like situations in the Bible:

• A fiery furnace (Daniel 3); 
• Daniel's frightening lion's den (Daniel 6); 
• Joseph's empty (Gen. 37) and Jeremiah's muddy cisterns (Jer. 38); 
• Jonah's stinky and germy whale gut (Jonah 2); 
• Lazarus' noxious tomb (John 11); 
• Paul's cramped rescue basket (Acts 9); and, 
• Jesus' tomb (Matt. 28)

One crazy variety or another, there are circumstances with temporary, humble, vulnerable, unpredictable holings... and transformed outcomes.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, 

because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).

                                  

For Where Your Treasure Is

     The following parable is an attempt to color the concept of heart treasures:

     Middle-school students as well as adults are taking a standardized exam, all in one room. Rachel arrives. She's middle-aged, uptight, and doesn't recall studying for this test. One student takes and re-takes the test, and keeps failing. Others happily depart the room with a passing grade. She stands and awaits her turn, as the test-taking tables are all full.

     One younger student impatiently snatches a copy of the test out of turn, but Rachel ignores the rudeness. Tension breeds petulant and uptight disorder. A valuable test copy is finally handed to her. Encumbered, she shuffles to a seat wondering if her fate will be like the other soul in the room, who keeps taking and re-taking the test, shriveling up like a prune from failure.

     With countless other items in her arms, including magazines and books, she resembles a poor bag woman or hoarder (her Father's obsessive gene has re-surfaced to the next generation). For long road trips, he always traveled with just-in-case overstuffed briefcases that included everything but "the kitchen sink." Juggling and situating herself is a comedy of errors.

     Overwhelmed with references, she manages to misplace the test before ever beginning to take it. The instructors are here, there, and everywhere and never able to aim their attention her way. Rachel is basically invisible to everyone except for one kind-hearted soul. She quietly hands Rachel a special bracelet. The bracelet holds test clues. Alas, the kindness is appreciated, but seems of little value. How, specifically, can the bracelet be useful? And where is her copy of the test?

     Invisible, scattered, clueless, she is discouraged but doesn't lose hope. Needing to take the test, but yet, unable to do so is a precarious quandary. She leaves the room in search of hidden treasure. Good thing because in the hallways are rumors about the secret of the bracelet. Holidays and special dates. As Rachel heads back to the testing room, others are being given bracelets. It appears that people are cheating.

     Instructors overhear that answer bracelets are being distributed, but there is no backlash. Rachel determinedly clutches hers like gold to not lose that item, too. She still, however, lacks the measurement instrument... the one thing everyone else in the room has... the exam. It's like having baby clothes and a nursery, but no pregnancy; furniture and a mortgage payment, but no house in which to live; work clothes, schooling and skills, but no career. A critical piece is missing.

     Deficient verbal skills and invisibility might on one hand create positive, super-powered anonymity, but they are currently holding Rachel hostage. The only way to receive instructor help for another copy of the test is to attract attention, like fainting or bedazzling, but that is not her style. She's too shy for inordinate attention; more the shell-hiding, stationary tortoise-type than rabbit (although she can be stuttering Roger Rabbit); more the Dramamine allergy queen than drama queen. A roomful of gawking eyes directed toward Ms. Invisible is not gonna happen. Period and exclamation point.

     Years ago, unrealistic, perfection ideals stealthily faded like clouds in the sky. Many chemo drips, gray hairs, wrinkles, as well as a muffin top erased those high ideals. She felt vulnerable. But, today, discouragement and depression will not re-surface to distract her from facing the challenge. Overcoming outweighs the alternative. She is determined to bypass the helpless victim mindset. One positive way or another, somehow, she will face the exam.

     One last time she desperately searches through her barrage of treasures. Dig, dig, through papers and dig past a literal "kitchen sink." There is a glimmer of hope, slipped inside of a cherished book. In that most curious place, she finally finds the lost test. Like a marathon runner pushing past the wall, she will make it to the finish line. The entire experience feels like a scattered, surreal dream (and actually is).

But we have this treasure in jars of clay...
We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed;
perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not abandoned;
struck down, but not destroyed (2 Cor. 4:8)
I can do all Paul things

     Most obsessive souls, at one time or another, have had the dreaded test dream. We're fearful of failing, or we forget a critical item. In a nutshell, test dreams are a reflection of an individual's lack of confidence and inability to advance to the next stage in life. Maybe the imagined closure in the next paragraph will bring purpose to my random, scrambled 30 minutes of REM sleep... 

     Rachel finally catches the eye of every instructor (did they ignore previous pleas intentionally, as a perseverance pre-test?) They all nod approval to begin. Gratefully, the level of her crisis was far from feeling "struck down" (2 Cor. 4:8), and the experience inspires and deepens her faith. She fervently composes the answer to a burning question that dovetails with heart treasures:

Name one eternal thing for which you are thankful and why.

I Can Do ALL Paul Things….

     But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory even as by the Spirit of the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:18).

     Saul of Tarsus (a/k/a Paul), a devout Jewish Pharisee, needed a makeover of the heart that could only be performed by his Maker. He was an avid, vehement Bible-time witch hunter. He witnessed and condoned figurative "burnings at the stake." He feared "The Way's" effervescent and contagious followers of the recently crucified, supposedly blasphemous Jesus Christ.

     To ardently display his devotion to God, Saul requested from leadership marching orders and received them. He doggedly pursued and persecuted Christians. Saul viewed terror in eyes and final breaths during his full-time crusade to persecute and "destroy the church" (Acts 8, The NIV Bible).

     Saul thought he was the enlightened one. Saul thought he was strategic and justified. Saul thought, and Saul thought. Yet, Saul was passionately wrong. Then, that's when, on the fateful Road to Damascus, he heard Jesus' voice. His physical eyes became temporarily blinded, but his spirit registered 20/20 vision: "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute Me?"

     Saul, renamed Paul, saw clearly and embraced a 180-degree turn-around. He experienced feelings of remorse because of his crusades. He felt like a father who accidentally traps his vulnerable child's finger in a car door, but Paul's intentional "accidents" were brutal times more hurtful to others. His writings elude to erased guilt: This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I [Paul] am chief (1 Timothy 1:15, a letter written by Paul to Timothy).

     Paul could have nursed his remorse and felt hopeless. Filled with anguished tears he could have ruminated with overwhelming sorrow: "I can never repay my wrongs. I am the scum of the earth. I hate myself. Christ-followers fear me and will never trust this wretch. I'm useless! There's no way to bring Stephen's and others' lives back. I basically persecuted Savior God. The pain is torturous, like a searing heat. It screams: 'Act out! Inflict pain on yourself (cut, disfigure) anything for relief!' "

     Instead, Paul balanced his remorse. During a hidden, indefinite sabbatical time, Paul sought for and received God's insight, mercy, and unconditional love. An indefinite, invisible, prolonged sabbatical is ideal for soul-searching and forgiveness. Driven Paul eventually refocused to positive things, like instructing Christians and writing encouraging love letters to churches.

     Over the centuries, Paul's letters have strengthened countless "unblinded ones." John Newton, composer of the song Amazing Grace, was undoubtedly inspired by Paul's writings. He regretted the many souls who cruelly died on his slave trade ships in his greedy pursuit of money. Like Paul, Newton's eyes were finally opened.

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord,
are changed into the same image
from glory to glory [grace+Truth+time]
 even as by the Spirit of the Lord
(2 Corinthians 3:18, Paul's "been-there; done-&-doing-that" insight)

     Forgiving others is critical; forgiving oneself is, utmost, unnatural. To initially and clearly see through one's protective blinders or rose-colored denial glasses is impossible and potentially detrimental. I might turn on myself or others as a by-product of fear. IF (or when) I do clearly see, without the love of Jesus Christ, blinded hopelessness might be overwhelming.

     Fear- and hopelessness-prevention, to walk through change, to do "ALL Paul things," most and utmost, are the reasons I need Jesus' unconditional love and tender, healing mercies. I need His forgiveness as I jostle through this life because I, too, am a chief sinner in dire need of The Great Optician.

     I can do all [Paul] things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).