Ice Bucket Challenges & Bucket Lists

     During August we've seen many an ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, with videos on Facebook and on national TV. There are ALS videos gone wrong and reality show host Julie Chen's brave, live, on-show, bone-chilling drenching of her perfectly coiffed locks and designer dress. She looked like a freshly bathed Collie or Sheep Dog with wet, mangled hair draping her face. With face and smile all but visible, her strong broadcasting voice professionally concluded the episode. People like Laura Bush wouldn't allow her coif and ice to meet; but she donated all-important cash.

     Muscle weakness is a hallmark initial sign in ALS, occurring in approximately 60% of patients. Early symptoms vary with each individual, but usually include tripping, dropping things, abnormal fatigue of the arms and/or legs, slurred speech, muscle cramps and twitches and/or uncontrollable periods of laughing or crying... Since ALS attacks only motor neurons, the sense of sight, touch, hearing, taste and smell are not affected. For many people, muscles of the eyes and bladder are generally not affected [ALS Association].

     Is that why the bucket challenge was initially chosen? Because, when deluged with ice-filled water, muscles freeze up? Yet, the five senses are astonishingly piqued? Does that somewhat portray the affect of ALS on a person? Or maybe it is embarrassment? Displaying wet, disheveled hair on national television is embarrassing, and maybe the effects of ALS are embarrassing, too?

     One bucket topic downshifts with a jolt (like accidentally manually downshifting into 1st gear) it's the way my mind processes. The topic is bucket lists (feel the sudden, topic head jerk?) Bucket lists include activities or accomplishments a person wants to do or achieve before he or she feels fulfilled. In an August 2014 Today Show interview, Actor Jennifer Aniston shared what I call her anti-bucket list. With slightly puddled eyes and a brief furrowed brow she revealed her vulnerability. Getting married and having children have never been items on her womanhood bucket list. She's birthed many things. And she doesn't understand why people who don't personally know her judge her for not having children yet. I won't judge you, Jen.

     With all sorts and varieties of bucket and anti-bucket list activities in the media, I might half-way check an additional item off of my sabbatical bucket list. A trip to Hawaii or Italy would be much more exciting, but instead it's just plain old: Looking prayerfully into the identity mirror, to walk away with hopefully a slight understanding of myself, so I can attempt to live out God's Word and begin to better understand others. It has taken time. The feeling sometimes mimics ice being poured over my head, because I'm stubborn and will never be the brightest crayon in the box. There are moments of:

"...is like someone who looks...in a mirror...and immediately forgets..."

     √  Bone chilling shock at what God's Word is revealing,
     √  Pride, facing uncomfortable, disheveling, yet worthwhile time investments, and
     √  Freedom,* with God's healing Hand, from paralyzing blindness (addictions and other unsightly beasts don't RUN in my family, they GALLOP, full-speed and untamed).

*James 1:23 New International Version (NIV)
23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

How to Train Your Downed Dragon

     Like a thumbprint, a person's feelings of depression have an individual aspect like few others. For some, depression is a short-term experience following a sad event, like the death of a spouse; for others depression is on and off; another's is always present or hormonal. Some forms of depression have an intense component, following a creative flow or high. Lately, mine seems to follow the latter pattern with increased fervor after rounds of 2006 juggernaut chemo treatment. I am not a medical professional nor a mental health professional. I am an on-and-off depression battler.

     "Depression is an experience of depletion. You're worn down, hollowed out, devoid of enthusiasm or vitality. Your senses are dull, perhaps to the point of taking in very little around you" [emphasis mine] (Psychology Today).

Real-life bout with severe, snotty cold symptoms...resembling depression?

     During bouts of depression, my heart feels sad, isolated, and heavy. I cry. It lasts a day or sometimes two and reminds me of the lethargy I feel with a cold or with allergy's strong symptoms. Out of it. A step behind. Ears, nose, eyes, and the brain fill with what seems like dulling and never-ending crud. The next step can be a downward spiral to feelings of hopelessness.

     So, a few years ago I began to write my feelings down, first in a quiet, journaling format. I then began to blog, seasoned with parables, maybe to fight fire with fire. "Parables and stories are the language of the heart" (Rev. Kyle Idleman).

     The parables or stories I employ sometimes have a child-like flavor, for which I cannot help myself. Maybe I'm attempting to redeem an unproductive childhood and make the effects of being raised in a dark alcoholic home brighter. This blog follows the parable format, because I can find no other positive way to communicate the depths of depression I've experienced. Before reading on, a stiff cup of caffeinated beverage might be needed, for focused flight and to follow the mindset of PTSD [Post-traumatic Stress Disorder].

     I compare our five heightened senses to a dragon. Heightened senses are the positive aspect of my depression. The adrenalized productive beast has:

1. Piercing eyes (sight), 
2. A smokey essence (smell), 
3. Impenetrable, knotty, leathery skin (touch),
4. Intense fangs and teeth (taste),
5. Swooshing, whipping tail (sound).



Wish my dragon was this cute!

6. Two powerful aspects of the creature are its wings for flight and potential to shoot fire (the Sixth Sense).

     The ensuing downward spiral is the damaging beast that people either lock up, drag away, or defend themselves from with a shield. Dragons are the subject of folklore and fairy tales. Commoners run from dragons and brave princes slay them.

     Dragons are seldom heroes in movies, except in rare films like How to Train Your Dragon. This movie not only warms up to dragons, it portrays resourceful Teen Hiccup, a Viking leader's son, successfully discovering intriguing ways to connect with the scariest dragon on the planet... Night Fury.

     Because of Night Fury's disabled tail, he is downed (flightless) and vulnerable. He needs Hiccup's TLC (tender loving care) as well as the sustaining and healthful fish he brings. Hiccup resourcefully gives Night Fury (dubbed Toothless) renewed flight. They form an unlikely bond. They connect with each other like a boy with his beloved dog.

     In the small Village of Berk, "12 days north of Hopeless located on the Meridian of Misery," Hiccup's Viking family either subdues dragons, slays them, or locks them up to use for dragon-killing practice. Brave Vikings are maimed and even killed by dragons. They've never consorted with the deadly creatures. Fire-breathing dragons are scary, and the poaching villains repeatedly fly away with Berk's sheep and other livestock, taking them to a massive, rocky fortification.

     The Bible's New Testament (Luke 24:13-35) shares an event that occurs 3 days after Jesus' death on the cross. Two of His followers walk together on the Road to Emmaus, a 7-mile journey from Jerusalem. Cleopas and the other are discussing tragic events. They've lost their leader and hoped-for Savior. Three years of heightened, possibly entitlement beliefs to overthrow the cruel Roman government are dashed. They are "downcast," and it appears their senses are functioning poorly.

     Jesus' followers deal with their beasts of depression as Vikings deal with their dragons. The two followers appear to subdue their dragons with a walk to Emmaus; Disciple Peter chooses to lock up his dragon and drag on, to his former occupation fishing; Judas demonstrably kills his dragon.

     The Disciples (akin to behavior of the Vikings) believe it is unwise to fraternize with what they feel is a dangerous dragon. The two distracted and downcast followers keenly display dulled senses in eyesight and hearing. They don't recognize an important Person, right in front of their eyes... their reason for hope, Savior God.

     Jesus' brief return to earth is to vanquish hopelessness. He opens eyes, to look for the positive Sixth Sense... the Fire. Just as the Vikings eyes are opened to the positive power of the dragon and its fire.

     A 2013 blog shares beginning insights to my dragon. Admittedly, each person's "dragon" is different, just as there are numerous breeds of dogs and cats. In my blog I connect with my dragon and uncover that my real enemy is not depression. It is instead the negative spin on my senses, with a snotty malaise of misery, and a bastion of hopeless self-talk:

inferiority → ← entitlement
entitlement → ← inferiority
inferiority → ← entitlement

     What ways might I errantly subdue my dragon? I might attempt to distract myself in numerous ways, like the Disciples.

     My concluding question is: Why do I dare partner with my beast?

     My answer: To break a vicious, repetitive cycle of poaching. that steals a cornucopia of senses. robbing my colorful identity and morphing me into a stoic, flat Viking.

     Do I throw out the baby with the dirty bath water, or, do I nurture the baby and train it? Rather than anesthetizing myself with alcohol or taking a drag on whatever, what other options do I have? Some depression sufferers NEED prescription medications; however my depression is a complicated, spirited, toxin-related variety and seems somewhat TLC trainable, as I explain in the knotty, natty "G-nona" link below.

     "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind"
(II Timothy 1:7).

     With Savior God's help (John 3:16), I attempt to, head-on, recognize (but not follow) what I call my second-self, located down a spiraling fortification.  Drag on and meet: "G-natty, G-nagging G-nona"

Why Blog & Paying It Forward

     Three pre-adolescent boys sit on their bikes in a huddle. They surmise the next path they will take, looking at their options. Ahead of them lies a sidewalk with a sharp, downward roller-coaster curve and a continuing steep downward grade. It looks scary. The boys wonder whether it's dangerous to ride. They might ride too fast and lose control. Maybe they should walk it.

     The bulldog-built lad wearing no helmet appears to be the leader of the pack. His adrenaline must be flowing. He bravely encourages his cohorts, "We can do it. I'll ride the curve first, then you follow!"

     The other two watch; one helmet-clad, the other not. Helmet-clad Hugo appears sheepish and cautious, the other a bit braver. Hugo has a speech impediment that might be accentuated with the rush of adrenaline. They are both tenuous, watching their leader attack the Grand Canyon. At a similar age I took a sharp turn on my bike, slid on gravel, flew over the bike handles, and still grace the war tattoo to prove it. So these boys aren't stupid.

The downward grade looks scary from the tire skid angle.

     The two followers see Fearless Freddy survive, and then they cautiously approach the curve to test it themselves. They hug the curve, maneuver the fast slope; hit the brakes; and the WOW-factor hits. They thrive unscathed and evaluate the length of each other's "cool" tire skids. "Your skid is the longest" exclaims excited Hugo, "Let's wide it again!"

     We witness the inception of three adrenalized dare devils developing the important bravery quotient.

     I identify with helmet-clad, speech-impaired Hugo. I'm cautious, yet sometimes naively brave when need be, following my Leader. Blogging takes diligent time and work. Putting ideas out there is risky. Writings lose control to the reader and invite judgment and criticism. Yet, I write because I stumble.through ideas.needing boundaries.and because:

• Books, songs, and movies are with us because of... writers.
• Psalms in the Bible are with us because of... writing worshippers.

I attempt to pay it forward, writing.
Encouraging myself.
Hoping to convey the essence of encouragement to others.

• Writing helps to find my way to God, remembering the good things and the ever-present God things.
• When something positive, intriguing, or even distressing happens, I write to somewhat make sense of it all.
• Stories are all around, just look, listen, and write.
• I believe in writing the way some people believe in fairy tales.

♫Somewhere over the rainbow;♫
They lived happily ever after;

Win the Belmont by 31 lengths.

• I surmise the scary and curved canyon;
• And follow my encouraging Leader (John 3:16).
• I write, striving to be Holy Spirit-clad;
• Evaluate the braking tire skids; 
• Prayerfully listen to any feedback.
• And then, I write again.

The bikers' roller coaster curve track. Tenuous?

Garage Sales & The Tempted Tongue

     A recent 2-family garage sale co-hosted by myself and Neighbor Sara could have left me looking like the fish in the photo. If not for the proper use of my tongue and aim of its rudder I, too, could have figuratively sunk. It appears that some normally well-meaning people, when faced with the sign "Garage Sale", turn into lunatics.

     Thursday, 7:30 a.m., on the premiere morning of our 8:00 a.m. sale, shoppers wait in the driveway lurches. They are prepared to pounce. As my neighbor "Bob" opens his garage door to take his daughter to daycare, a rude couple barges in. "Please wait outside" says Bob.

     "We just want to take a quick look."

     "No. Out. We open at 8:00 a.m."

     "We need to get to other garage sales, so we'll be just a minute."

     That is just one of the unsavory garage sale experiences we encounter. The main offense, however, occurs throughout our Garage Sale's Black Friday, Day Two, and is the real-life material on which Friends' Elaine and I Love Lucy's Lucille Ball birth and thrive.

     At 7:45 a.m. our catty-corner, always guarded neighbor opens his garage door to prepare for his Saturday monster moving sale (we didn't know he was moving). His shiny BMW-like inventory makes ours look like a rusty VW; and, his highly visible location makes him king of the corner. Every excited shopper believes they are arriving to our twice-posted Craigslist sale. In other words, Neighbor Rich richly benefits from our meticulous homework and plentiful signs. Our hoped-for customers spend all of their money at his sale (even though he isn't officially open yet).

     I attempt to "go to the mattresses" (The Godfather) waving, re-positioning signage, and performing back flips for customers to see us, but they're star-struck. We are like the little bookstore being overtaken by superstore Fox Books [You've Got Mail]. Shoppers spend all of their time and money at the ultimate sale, ignoring our now elusive little Shop Around the Corner.

     Alas, our well-advertised sale is invisible; Rich's unadvertised pre-sale is a Black Friday bonanza. Shoppers deliriously leave his garage with boatloads of bargains. Rather than fight a losing battle, at 10:30-ish, we crack: "Even though this morning he told me their garage sale starts tomorrow, it looks like he's selling, big time. Let's take turns and find some deals!"

     We finally surrender and close our meager sale, 3 hours early, at noon. Why not.

     What happens next throws me for a loop. Maybe I'm overly-sensitive, and maybe I have spurts of mania. Maybe I sometimes cry at the drop of a hat, double-post a sale just-in-case, put up seemingly 1,000 signs, hang yard streamers, play music at our sale, and even offer .50-cent and sometimes free cans of pop just for people's refreshment and enjoyment. But now enters Friends, I Love Lucy, and a surreal Twilight Zone episode, blended like a green smoothie and unexpectedly spewed everywhere.

     A mere 30 minutes later, at 12:30, Neighbor Rich also closes his garage, for the day! (We later learn because of heat.) Whaaaaaat????? We could have stayed open longer? It wasn't that hot. NOW we feel like chihuahuas tumbling in a clothes dryer.

     I soon need to leave for my husband's 2:00 tongue surgery appointment. A twist of fate? By this time a trifecta of tongue surgeries could be needed. Sara was planning to man our mid-afternoon sale, but that was nixed by Richie Rich.

     Even counting Friday's money is unduly cray-cray. Thursday's larger totals balanced perfectly, but our brains are mush. As we wearily count and recount, we muse about the Black Friday shoppers. Poor Sara, holding her teething 5-month-old, unknowingly picked up a shopper's item and was almost karate chopped, shunned, and verbally shamed. The ambidextrous grandmother somehow stuffed a child-sized pink rocking horse and child's kitchen into her pockets. Hmmmm. Maybe her tongue needed surgery, too.

     Lucy and Ethel... and Jerry and Elaine, are wearily sprawled out on living room furniture in their respective staged Cracker Jack-sized apartments. After an episode of co-maneuverings with crazy-cray, their hair looks as frazzled and frizzed as Kramer's. They're a bit delirious, and they (and we) ask: What on earth happened today???

    We intentionally grind the old VW gears, from temperamental forward to positive and resourceful reverse. We rehearse the good things, including de-cluttering our homes, earning extra spending money, and donating to good causes. Rather than end this episdoe with a poor taste in our mouths, we attack life rather than allowing life to attack us, with a free offer to Neighbor Rich: "Would you like our 6 deluxe garage sale signs? In case of rain, the plastic coating will be helpful."

     Just as the rudder directs a ship's course, the tongue sets the course of relationships (James 3:1-4). It can be used as a sword to bring death and bondage; or, it can bring life and freedom. When my tongue spreads abundance, everyone benefits, including myself (getting to know Sara and other neighbors better, managing to get a deal on a needed compact refrigerator, and even ending up with a blog).

     Two of my top five strengths were well exercised: 1) Harmony [i.e. middle-child-raised-in-an-alcoholic-home syndrome] and, 2) Empathy.*

Fishers of men, women & neighbors

     *Post note: Through random circumstances the week before our sale, a generous neighbor down the street freely gave us those 6, deluxe, plastic-coated garage sale signs on stakes (a $15 value) PLUS free price stickers ($4). AND, he suggested we have the sale on Thursday/Friday rather than Friday/Saturday. We advertised on Craigslist with no overhead costs, so why not Pay It Forward to Richie Rich, with deluxe free signage? 

     I am a devoted follower of Jesus Christ. I would do anything for Him, including positively participating in a once every 30 years experience; co-hosting a crazy garage sale with Neighbor Sara, initiated by her. And, how could we not Pay It Forward in another way? to forgive an overwhelmed, naive competitor. (Savior God has forgiven me of so much more, John 3:16).